Expanding our capacity: Why we, and our clients tip into overwhelm or shutdown

If you’ve started working with clients, you’ll know that often people are VERY motivated at the beginning. They want to learn all the things and stick to their program 100%, and often they do for a short while. This perfectionistic approach isn’t sustainable though. What is so crucial as a coach/ trainer is that you frame/discuss with them that steady consistency is king, not occasional perfection.

We have all experienced this to some degree, the new way of being feels awesome. New habits are in motion- Training is consistent, nutrition is on point, sleep is solid but then something shifts. A disruption, a poor night of sleep, bad news, a stressful week and everything drops reverting to the previous default. Training sessions get skipped and quality food no longer is high on the priority list leading to loss of motivation and “falling off the bandwagon”. This pattern is common and I believe that it’s part of the learning process and part of moving through and  maturing past “black and white” or “all or nothing” thinking.

Let’s tie this back to the nervous system and the window of tolerance. Think of the window of tolerance as a river and you are floating down the river. When the river is wider the water can flow easily and you can float calm and steady. When the river is narrow, the water flows much faster, causing more turbulence and can throw you onto the riverbank. The width of each individual’s river, their personal window of tolerance, is where they function steadily and how much stress they can tolerate without overflowing. Inside of our window of tolerance, we can think clearly, keep our cool, follow through with our promises to ourselves and others and make decisions that align with our future vision for ourselves.

Outside of the window, this is where things can get hairy.

Above the window, the system moves into overwhelm. Hyperarousal. Fight or flight. We get reactive, everything feels urgent, our thinking is fast and we may regret our actions or decisions we make in this state.

Below the window, the system drops into shutdown. Hypoarousal. Freeze. Motivation decreases, energy drops, we feel disconnected and numb and in today’s society many get stuck in a social media scroll hole.

For many people, that range is narrow.

It doesn’t take much to push them above the window into hyperarousal (fight or flight responses, anxiety, agitation) or below into hypoarousal. (Freeze, shut down, numb and disconnected)

Why This Affects Changes

Sustainable change depends on being able to stay with the process. Sometimes this means doing the minimal effective dose when conditions aren’t ideal and making calm decisions under pressure.

If someone is easily pushed outside their window of tolerance, they lose access to this foresight and their ability to maintain this long-term thinking.

Capacity and the Window of Tolerance

Capacity determines how much someone can hold.

When capacity is limited, the window is small meaning that a small amount of stress can push them into overwhelm or shutdown.

As capacity expands, that window widens and the same stress lands very differently, they stay stable.

So as a coach or personal trainer, how can we support our clients to expand their window of tolerance? Here are some simple but very effective ways to expand yours and your clients capacity and window of tolerance:

Breathing and CO₂ Tolerance

Many people breathe in a way that keeps their system on edge by over-breathing.

Chronic fast, shallow breathing lowers our tolerance to carbon dioxide. Essentially when we over breathe, we are getting rid of too much carbon dioxide, leading to a vicious cycle. Increasing tolerance to CO2 and therefore increasing it in our systems, causes haemoglobin to release oxygen more efficiently to muscles and organs. CO2 is also a potent vasodilator, increasing blood flow to the whole body, brain and muscles increasing performance.

There is research now showing that both anxiety can cause over-breathing (top down) and over-breathing can cause anxiety. (bottom up) The flow on effect is that when CO2 tolerance is low, the body and mind react more quickly to stress.

We can consciously increase our tolerance to carbon dioxide. I want you to remember this by taking “LSD” every single day.

L- Light, gentle breaths

S- Slow breaths

D- Deep breaths down into the lower lobes of your lungs by using your diaphragm.

Doing this slows down your breathing rate and means that you and your clients are taking steady, nourishing breaths. You start to breathe LESS. In fact, coherence breathing for 5 seconds in and 5 seconds out is an incredible way to slow down, down regulate into a calm state, connect to yourself as well as those around you. 

Breathe through your nose the majority of the time, including during sleep. (you can use mouth tape to support this).

Over time, this will expand your window of tolerance as your nervous system feels safer and becomes less reactive.

The same situation that once felt intense becomes easier to handle.

Interoception

Interoception is the ability to feel what is happening inside of your body. Can you pause right now and feel your heart beat? Can you feel your lungs expanding in your chest? Are you breathing shallow, can you make it deeper and slower? When training, can you connect to your muscles and the different parts of your body? Are you (and your clients) in tune with your bodies requirements for food and water or do you/they “forget to eat” or over eat and then feel sick later?

Without this connection to our body, people may for example, only notice once they are feeling completely overwhelmed, rather than feeling the signals sooner. With increased connection and awareness, they can catch the shift earlier. Such as a tightening in the chest or a change in breathing. This is a skill to build upon and noticing it gives us a chance to stay with the experience in the body, listen and make a change, rather than reacting to it.

Micro-Agency

Micro-agency is our ability to consciously take small steps towards the version of ourselves that we are building. When someone feels overwhelmed, large actions feel out of reach but small actions are still available and sometimes it can be as simple as walking to the kitchen and having a glass of water. Taking one step keeps them engaged rather than shutting down. Other examples are putting on your sneakers to then walk around the block, rather than doing nothing due to overwhelm. Preparing a simple nourishing snack, when they can feel themselves about to demolish a packet of cookies or click on Uber eats. This builds a sense of self agency and self respect. Over time, those small actions add up to something much bigger. A shift and upgrade in identity, who they take themselves to be.

The Edge

Capacity expands at the point where something feels uncomfortable but still manageable. Doing two more reps when your head says you are done. Setting the boundary, or speaking up in the moment rather than staying quiet. Some people avoid their edges and live a very comfortable but unfulfilling life. Others push too far past their edge leading to inconsistency due to cycles of ALL or NOTHING. When we prove to ourselves and our nervous system that discomfort can be handled, our window of tolerance widens.

What Changes When the Window Widens

A wider window of tolerance means that the individual is less impacted by changes in external situations. They don’t get thrown off as easily, they don’t spiral after one “bad” day and they can return to their baseline equipped with new tools and lessons.

When our window widens, we can think clearly and stay mentally conscious of our thoughts and behaviours, rather than reverting to unconscious patterns.

We feel safe enough in our system to question and challenge limiting stories and beliefs that are in the way of living the life that we want.

We then start to feel SAFE to stay in the beautiful PROCESS of change. This is where true lifelong learning and change happens.